So Tyler and I split, for the final time. I guess when you love someone that much and they can’t love you back it’s not going to work.
I’m still not sure how I’m supposed to feel. He was my best friend in the world, I would’ve done anything for him. Now, I have to try to pick up the pieces. It’s going to be hard, I hope I can do it and come out a better person.
I just miss it so much.
On December 20th I received news that my boyfriend’s brother killed himself. Going over and over in my head since then are racing thoughts of “what could I have done” or “how could I have helped” but then I realized something. There’s nothing I could have done.
Three and a half years ago I attempted suicide. No one could have told me anything to make me stop. I was determined, my life needed to end. Looking back on that time in my life I realized something, Danny was in more pain then I ever could have felt. He hurt so much more than I did, my hurt feels superficial now, my problems insignificant.
Time heals everything but this one hit hard. I wish I could’ve helped him more, I wish there was something I could’ve done. I think in a fucked up way, I’ve come to peace with Danny’s death because I know he’s not hurting anymore. I just wish I could’ve helped him not hurt.